Nicole Week 1: The Pivotal Spark Towards Identity

Growing up simply attending Hebrew school each Wednesday and synagogue solely during high holy days, I can confidently assert that, although not proudly, I did not give much thought to my Jewish identity on a day to day basis. I cannot speak for any of you, but growing up in Wellesley, Massachusetts, entailed that a limited religious background was fairly common. I felt disconnected from my religion, as if the bridge connecting me and a potential religious endeavor was robbed from me. Thus far, my one access to Judaism felt like merely an obligation. 

Rather instantly, my brother, Michael, embarked on his own religious pursuit in 2020. Michael has always acquired an admiration for Judaic studies, slowly accumulating the knowledge whilst delving deeper into his Jewish identity. I could never have said the same for myself. Inevitably, my brother’s new lifestyle sparked a similar interest in myself, although not initially. Public school soon became unappealing to Michael, and he soon requested a transfer to a Jewish high school. As soon as it became my turn to contemplate my own high school experience, Gann Academy soon rose the ranks as top choice. In a seamless transfer, my Jewish journey began. 

To me, attending Gann practically felt like the culture shock you experience after setting foot in a foreign country. Hebrew school felt like a distant memory, failing to prepare me for even a pluralistic Jewish high school. Meanwhile, as Michael continued defining his Jewish identity and successfully navigating toward his future aspirations, I became more lost and confused. Finally, the awaited announcement ensued; my brother was moving to New York to attend Yeshiva University High School as a Modern Orthodox Jew. Initially, it was burdening for my family to accept and hit me especially hard. The closest person in my life was moving away to commence a religious journey, seemingly closing the final door of commonality. As much as I mourned the past, my brother’s move was a blessing in disguise, granting my wish I was not even aware I had.

My family adapted to Michael’s new lifestyle, from kashering the kitchen to frequent trips to New York. As well as adopting various religious practices, such as Shabbat dinner whenever Michael came over. Shabbat dinner had notably become the very practice that vastly shifted my perspective on my Jewish identity forever. The conversations that were held at the table itself opened a whole new realm of opportunity to further my religious venture. The feeling of coming together as a family was now foreign due to Michael’s move. However, during the occasional Shabbat dinner with him, an overwhelming wave of nostalgia would wash over us, blanketing our family with utmost love and regard for one another. Conversational manner veered towards more meaningful and sophisticated topics, but still maintaining the lighthearted spirit we all knew and loved. Religious debate became the forefront of our conversations. But, unlike Hebrew school and Gann, these religious conversations with my brother and family were unique, it connected us when it had been near impossible, finally initiating that genuine religious spark that I had always yearned for. Have you ever experienced a spark that seemingly clicked everything into place?