Sophia Week 4: Under Pressure

As AP students, we all know the pressure school can put on us. Starting in the later days of elementary school when academic levels arised and homework and assessments became more frequent, that’s when the drain caused by school started. Then when we hit middle school, we came to learn about school stress. Tons of homework, essays, tests, projects, and more started to pile up. During 7th grade, though, Covid hit and life became easier, so when high school rolled around, we didn’t know what was coming. For the past year, we’ve been facing pressure and stress like never before, even me, and trust me, I know anxiety. Yet, while we all tend to discuss the pressure school puts on us, we never really acknowledge the pressure school causes us to put on ourselves. The pressure that stems from academic validation. 

Starting in 3rd grade, at least here at Donna Klein, math levels emerged. Us eight-year-olds were placed in different math classes based on our capabilities. As someone who was placed in the highest class from the getco, as a young child, I just felt proud to be where I was. Then when I got to 4th and 5th grade, leveling became more intense, and everyone started to compare where they were. That’s when the pressure hit, causing the feeling that I needed to keep up, that school needed to be my priority because what would it look like to everyone else if my academic levels dropped? More importantly, though, how would I feel about myself? Ever since, that pressure, that stress, has just gotten worse. My anxiety has been at an all-time high, and everyone in my family has noticed it. I’ve been crumbling under academic pressure.

As teenagers, insecurities are something we all know well. Insecurities can come from anything and everything, ranging from being about our looks to what other people think of us. Everyone has their own ways of keeping their insecurities in check, finding something that they feel like they can always fall back on. For me, that’s become my academics. I’ve constantly been complimented for my grades and intelligence by teachers, students, friends, family, and just about everyone and anyone you can think of. While I admit that all the compliments are nice, they make me feel the pressure all the more. Every compliment builds up on the stress, so when I get a B or even a low A, it feels like the end of the world. 

I’ve been thinking about my academics a lot recently. I'm in my second year of high school, and every assignment I do from now on has an impact on my grades, and consequently my resume, even if it’s a small one. Something my psychiatrist has mentioned to me is that I need to learn to keep up while letting go of the stress, something she would know I’ve faced a lot of recently since I have had to increase my dosage of medication in the past couple of years. While it is still extremely important to me that I keep up with my grades, and I will still definitely be upset with grades that aren’t near perfect, I’ve come to realize that there are other things in life than academic validation. With anxiety being a constant factor in my life for as long as I can remember, I need to learn to contain it as best as possible when it comes to school so I can focus on the little things in life. While this might sound cliche, it’s true. Therefore, I have started to work on validating myself in other ways besides academics. How does academic validation impact your life?