Sophia Week 8: This is How the World Works

As I was sitting down to write my next blog, I couldn’t help my mind from following its natural habit of drifting off-topic. Therefore, instead of thinking about which blog post ideas I had previously thought of that would be the best for this week, I started to think about all that I needed, and still need, to get done in the next few weeks. I mean lately, it’s felt like all I do is school (and its associated work), eat, sleep, and repeat. I was, and still am, exhausted, stressed, and thinking about how the next time I’ll be able to actually relax is over winter break, if even then. Sulking in my misery was going to get me nowhere though, or so I thought. Eventually, I just came to the conclusion that my life is never going to be how it used to be, and I am never going to be the carefree child I once was. I mean, technically, I was never a relaxed child, always anxious which led to an anxiety diagnosis, continuous therapy, and an official medication prescription throughout the first and second grades, but I don’t like to get deep about any of this. Therefore, for my own sanity’s sake, we are just going to pretend I was the opposite of a nervous child and not delve into any of those issues. One thing that I could relate to, just like any other child, was the desire to grow up. I always felt that every adult I knew could do so much more than I was allowed to, and I desired that freedom. Yet, there was always a fellow grown-up telling me to cherish my childhood while it lasted, but of course, I did not believe them. Now, as a young adult, an age that bridges childhood and adulthood, I wish to be a child again, something that I once took for granted. As humans, we obviously don’t age backward, so I’ve come to wish that high school would just end, so I can go to college and enter the real world. Just like when I was younger, though, there is always someone telling me to soak up my youth while I still have it, and while the logical part of me knows they’re right, the optimistic part of me which rarely makes an appearance is telling me that once I get older my stress will subdue and life will feel easier. The reality, though, is it won’t. The older we get, the more responsibilities we gain, and the harder life seems. It seems to be a continuous trend, though, that no matter how old we are, we desire to be at a different point in our lives, whether we want to be younger or older. I’ve come to realize how important it is to treasure the little things in life that make me feel happy, no matter how trivial they might seem to others. Of course, it’s hard to always look on the bright side and to accept things as they are, something I’ve been working on and getting better at with the help of my psychiatrist. I still have my off days, though, like today, where all I can think about is how I just want high school to fly by and to be in university. It’s hard to center myself, and since I am not someone who likes to talk about my actual feelings, I am writing about them. I’m also asking not only myself, but you guys as well, if I am the only one who feels this way or if this is just how the world works.